I am still here....

I am still here...maintaining...so much going on in the lives of people around me that I have not had time to dwell on myself....My left leg has really been bothering me..I went to the Doctor the other day and he told me the results of my MRI were that there is some herniation on the left side at L4 - L5 and S1....there is also some scar tissue built up. His suggestion was to continue with the physical therapy and if not better in a couple of months then I should see Dr. Nair again...he said I may need more surgery....well that is fine..in the mean time I am doing my physical therapy and walking on the treadmill here at home. Doing the best I can to rebuild what I had - if that makes sense to you....

I am tired of this...I am tired of not having pain free days.....I am tired of not being able to just get up and run and jump in my car and go...I am tired of not being able to play with Walker because he is too strong for me...I am tired of not being able to work all day and clean my house. I am tired of my life being on hold...but I don't know how to fix it...I see no light at the end of the tunnel...I am tired of walking with a cane....I am tired of not being able to have orgasams...I am tired of not being able to set in my bathtup and shave my legs because I can't get in and out of it....I am just tired of this whole process....

My Left leg is really bothering me now...the pain is not as intense as it was in the beginning of this but it is there. I am tired of having pain every day...I just wish this was over...but then I wonder if it ever will end...In all honesty I don't think so at this point. In the mean time...I am still here...and I am maintaining...somedays that is all I can do.....

Hope you have painfree day and nights!

MRI's and other wonderful things or just 2 more months

Every thing involved with CES takes 2 months...lol...I have decided that. I had a MRI not long ago and got my results Tuesday when I went to the Doctor. He told me I still have herniation at L4, L5 and S1 on the left side with scar tissue also showing on the scan...he did not tell me where that was but I am assuming it is from the first surgery....who knows. He also told me the nerve conduction test showed that my nerves are regenerating which is a very good thing. The problem here in is that it all takes time...lol...time time time...seems I have lots of it...I am just very very tired of waiting for it to happen.

Lots going on!

Wow....My life is nuts at times at best....so much stress with my sons divorce and his children...winter has set in and that makes me scared to death to go outside...I don't want to fall and my proprioreception is not the greatest...hows that word for ya...it really just means that my body does not really trust my feet to just walk without looking down and picking my steps...when people walk they usually just walk...they don't watch every step...I do....and don't even realize I am doing...that is part of my therapy...lol...I can't wait to use that word in scrabble some day!

I am doing Physical Therapy 3 days a week....I really do look forward to it...I have decided that this winter I am not gaining any weight...I want to lose weight if anything...like 30 lbs...so the work outs are good and do leave me sweating...I ride a bike and do the tread mill...then I have leg exercises I do standing up....then resistance exercises laying down...then we have the pelvic wall therapy...butt squeezes, and some kegel like exercises...pulling your belly button into your spine and holding it....all kinds of things I had never even realized about....and I have been walking the treadmill at home for 10 mins at a time 2 times a day....so we will see....believe it or not my energy level does seem to be up a little...I would so love to get addicted to working out....if my body would co- operate...

I had a rough time last week with depression....my husband likes to drink a bit and quite frankly I was just at my end with life, CES, and whatever else and truth is I let it out...then crawled into my shell....thankfully I have friends that make me realize I am not alone in this and I still am trying to see light at the end of the tunnel....it is so hard sometimes....I just wish I could get up and run away from all this....truth is ....I probably couldn't find my cane...lol....

Speaking of the which I bought myself a new cane...it is really cool...adjustable...with blue and purple butterflies on it....my other one is paisley...I figure if a girl has to use a cane it may as well match her outfit....lol...gotta get our bright spots where we can.

So this week my bladder is not being very co-operative...I have had more accidents than it seems usual....not sure what is going on with that....a couple of times it also hurt when I urinated...hope I am not getting a bladder infection...been drinking the crap out of cranberry juice....

Well the real reason for the depression this week is that I was dismissed by Parkway Neurosurgeon and Spine Institute....they were upset with me because I failed a drug test...well truth is I forgot to tell them I took a prescribed sleeping medicine from my general practitioner...he gave the pills to me on October 15th....he gave me 30 and I have 15 left...this is December...I guess I took one before I went down there and at any rate it (amitriptaline)showed up in my system and I did not tell the Dr I was taking it and since they are also pain management they will not tolerate discretion's so I was formally dismissed from them....well I cried for two day...would have been different if the med had not been prescribed...well to make a long story short they also rescinded the order for Physical Therapy...they really have been very nasty to me...I did not intentionally lie to them and the drug was prescribed to me...but I guess office policy is office policy. Fortunately I called my GP and he was like - do not even worry about them I will take care of you and see you thru to the end of this...he did tell me that he got the report from the MRI and my nerves are regenerating...I am sooooo happy...so I cried then too!!!!

I also bought myself a new pillow for under my knees...it is long but has like a triangle top ...I cannot lay with my legs flat very well....it makes my back hurt and my knees up relieve the pressure on my back so my new pillow is wonderful....it was only $14.00 at the pharmacy...I was happy.

Ok Christmas is coming and I am not looking forward to the shopping part of it...too many people and too hard. I think I am going to make alot of my gifts....candles, corn bags and not sure what else....lol...my list is really not that large....and it is really all about the kids as far as the gift giving....I hope I get to go to my mothers and do so Christmas stuff with her and the church.

Ok time for me to get off of here...my leg is tired and it is time for me to hit the sack....not really sure why...I seem to be up half the night most nights....ah the life of CES~

wishing you all pain free days~
Lynn