Good morning!

All seems to be going well...I did start physical therapy and my therapist is the greatest...she is pleasant, fun, encouraging and real....I really like her alot...so I now have a regiment of exercises to do every day. It is a good thing...if nothing else it gets me out of the house and I actually see people. That is a good thing.

Dr. De Marco order the Pelvic Wall Therapy (or whatever it is called) and it seems to consist mainly squeezing exercises...can't do anything by make my butt smaller right????? Lots of leg exercises, which is awesome....my legs are so weak...I cannot squat down and get up...going up steps used to be a problem...I did not realize just how weak they were until steps came into the picture...but even that is getting better....They also put me on the tread mill which is exciting to me....I love to walk...I wish it was outside but I am going to do it every day...I have made up my mind...so maybe by this spring I can walk my dogs....then Sativa and I can get back to the nursing homes and Walker can maybe ....notice I say maybe....get some more training in....I would so love to see him do something....right now I feel like he is getting cheated but he loves me so and I love him....he is Little Boy Dog...ok enough of dogs. But you know that is what keeps me going...soon I will be able to walk my dogs...I just know it....lol... So back to the tread mill....she started me out very slowly...I as her about the ab lounger and she said no....it would be to much on my back she thinks. Lots of resistance exercises too with big bands of different strengths....it is an hour a day to do all the things...so that is good ...3 times a week I get to go in there and then the days here I work out so it should help me lose some of the weight I have gained from being so sedentary the last three years....

I had the MRI and am waiting on the results of it. I am really hoping that I do not have to have anymore surgery but if I do I will and it will be fine....crazy but fine I guess...you know it is one of those dis- stress things that my GP told me about....it is a stress that I can do nothing about....that was a good lesson for me to learn. There are some things that you just can do nothing about....I cannot cure or handle or take care of or make it all right all the time....sometimes people...like my son and my husband ...just have to learn to fend for themselves....at this point in time I can only take care of me. And it is not that I don't love the them...of course I love my family - but I cannot change my situation so they need to dummy up....lol...I seem to be using that phrase alot lately.

So my step granddaughter and her little one have been staying with us....it seems to be good for me, especially having Lily...she is so cute and so smart...and she is so good. It is fun to have a little one in the house again...we play and watch movies together...she comes and tells me that I need to hold her....talk about a mood lifter...yep Lily is a Godsend at this moment. Jr and I have found ourselves in a predicament with Jessica...her mother threw her out and she has no place to go....she is my sons ex wife's daughter...her mother is upset that she is here but yet she has thrown her out...her mother feels like she is being betrayed by Jessie....This is just Stress...it can be elevated.....I could tell Jessie no she cannot stay here. But then I feel like what kind of person would I be...she has been a part of our life since she was 4 years old. She is my granddaughter...her blood grandmother told her she could come stay with her for 2 days but then she would have to find a place...excuse me she has Lily to worry about...what now? So yes I could elevate that stress but I will never turn her away. Besides I am enjoying her...I love kids and Lily is a bright spot for me.

I am not sure really if stress aggravates the CES but I am sure it is not good for the depression part. I currently take Cymbalta 60 mg and Amitriptaline 25 mg at night for my nerves and depression. It seems to help and this is a good thing.

Seems like my bladder is still about the same. I have been trying to do the kegel exercises when I think about it and I also have been trying to stop my urine stream mid stream...thinking it will strengthen the muscles so I can control the fact that my brain tells me I have to pee and it is running down my leg at the same time....and truth is I cannot run so sometimes I barely make it...so far I have been lucky. I have thought that I should just put an extra set of clothes in my truck when I go out...for a long time I wore depends pads when I went our and I carried a pair of panties in my purse...never had to use them but was glad I had them. Who would think I would have to worry about these things. I just had a bad bout with constipation. I still have no urges to go to the bathroom. I had not had a bowel movement if five days...I really had a rough time and for the first time while I was trying to make myself go I actually thought about the hospital. I did not think about me going to the hospital....I was determined...lol...but I can only imagine the feeling of having to go to the hospital and having to go thru that. After I went to the bathroom I really hurt...my stomach and my rectum - like up inside really hurt for a couple of days....I had to take it easy. The next two day I had 5 bowel movements - one for each day I guess...now I am going kind of reg but still no urges...I just set and squeeze my butt cheeks and hope the muscle tone comes back.
Evidently the pelvic floor really affects alot of things....

OK well that is about it for the day...life goes on and it is time I got to mine...

Peace and painfree days to you all!