Here we go again....

Wow...seems like forever since I have written anything here...I guess I just have to say I am maintaining....My health seems like it has been the same since forever....nothing seems to change....my legs are still doing the numb thing...it does seem to come and go.....what really is bothering me is that my left leg seems to be really acting up more than my right leg...it is so screwy...it comes and goes.....my toes go numb....then what is really wierd is that my left foot....all the way around my foot...like a tight band....lol...then it goes away...and then maybe I will feel like I am walking on glass...omg..I stepped on a popcorn kernel and wanting to cry....wow....it got me that is for sure...thank goodness it was like a shock kind of thing and not something that stays...ok...it is 11:31 pm and I just went to the kitchen from my bedroom and back....25 feet maybe...and I was not sure my left hip and leg wanted to come with me.....my right foot is also swollen tonight...funny how that happens...one foot will swell...I think it may have something to do with the way I set....I have to set up straight and kind of like an Indian...and I think my right leg dangles off the bed...and that might be part of the problem but it is my most comfy position....guess I will try to have to figure it out...lol...crazy crazy.



Ok...I have went to another Doctor....add one more to my list....I am happy to say that I am impressed with this place. It is called Parkway Neurosurgeon and Spine Institute......a state of art place I assure you.....I had a very nice Doctor who did listen to me. He did explain to me that the reason that most Doctors have a hard time diagnosing or saying the words Cauda Equina Syndrome is because it covers such a wide spectrum of symptoms. I found that interesting and I will have to think about that....lol My new Doctor did a Nerve Conduction Test...I am thinking it is the same as am EMG...they put needles in you and send electric current thru the nerves or muscles and measures how long it takes the nerve to tell you that you have pain....atleast I think that is it....I did read about it and that is how I understood it. I flunked...lol I do indeed have CES....I keep wanting to find a doctor that has that magic pill and a date that this will be done....lol...not happening....so ofcourse I am fighting depression....no fast fix...busted my bubble one more time....here is where I am suppose to give myself the infamous "It can always be worse" speech...yeah I know that...I am thankful for what I do have but don't blame me for wanting it all...."IT ALL" meaning ...walking without a cane...going to the bathroom without feeling like I am not going to make it....regular bowels...un-numb feet...leg pain...see what a funk I am in....it sucks....it really does. I just want to walk my dogs....thats all...the Dr asked me what I wanted for my end result...and I cried...I just want to walk my dogs....thats all....well that and an orgasm....lol.....That is another story another day...I am learning sexual dysfunction is also really prevelent with CES....all I can say is ...I feel old...but I am ceretainly NOT dead....I am learning that there is more to sex than physical touching and that a mental orgasm is as good...if not better...than physical sex. I feel rather shy talking about my sex life here but it is a fact that sexual dysfunction is a fact of life with this wonderful adventure I have taken....my parts do not work like they used to...there I said it...I have had.... I feel so inadiquate in so many ways....CES is ceretainly not good for ones mental state I can tell you that....

There have been some medicine changes also....the Dr. upped my Gaberpenting to 2400 mg a day, he changed my pain meds also...he increased them since I am going to physical therapy...he also gave me a new order for a MRI w and w/o dye, he also gave me a new order Physical Therapy and also wants me to have Pelvic Floor Therapy....don't ask ...it is a whole new blog....I go back to him December 6th....then hopefully we will have a game plan....we will see.....He did ask me if I was willing to do agressive therapy if I needed it....I asked him what that meant and he said surgery.....my answer was yes...anything to make this go away....I hate the thought of having surgery again but if I need to I need to.....I just want to walk my dogs....Like I said I am tired of this whole process....I just want it to be done.