Thursday, May 19, 2011

May 18th......5 weeks post op...whew.....what more can I say...

Hi guys.....sorry it has been so long since I have been here but if you only knew....I have been in the hospital 3 times since my surgery on April the 12th...I am physically and mentally a wreck...I want to cry allll the time...I want to just go to sleep and get over this dream...I know this has to be a dream...or should we say nightmare....I am so tired of being in pain...I am tired of taking pills...I am tired of not being able to walk ...I am tired of numb stingy legs ...I am tired of having sausages for toes some times....I am tired of dealing with this syndrome....I am so angry....I have things I want to do.....

When I got hit with this re-herniation at L4 and L5 I was just getting back to being myself...you know I even fantasied about running to my car....I looked at the walk and thought...you could bounce yourself back into the car and take the dogs....lol...then reality hit me and my thought was noooooooooooo take it easy....well I took it easy...I did not try to run...I did not take my dogs to the park...I walked to the truck with my cane and went to physical therapy and worked ...well not here we are....back again....More physical therapy I am sure...I was walking on my tread mill....now I just look at it.....

I know I am fresh from the surgery....but this has just been such a rough one....I got out of the hospital and 3 or 4 days after I got out I had a on set of pain.....I have never had pain like this before....it was horrible...I ended up in the hospital with all kinds of test and stuff...I think I was in there for about 4 days...I have never experienced pain like that before.....the Drs said something about Arachanoiditis....it is basically a swelling of a membrane that covers the spinal theacal sac and spinal cord...you would be best to google it...lol...I have several times and just cannot get it out of my head....lol....I keep thinking of the setroind injection my insurance company said I had to have before I could have the surgery....steroid injections can cause this.....like I said google it.  Isn't that something....insurance company saying you have to have something that can harm you first before you get what you need.  I wonder if they knew about CES ....I mean really knew how it affects your body if they would demand such stuff.....makes one wonder....

At any rate I ended up in the hospital for about 3 or 4 days that time.....maybe longer....I am not sure...I really was in so much pain and on so much medication some of it is a blur....I remember one day I was begging ...I mean crying begging for something....this is a sad story....I don't know if I had called my hus band or if he had called me...but I was really in pain and needed something....I had like 4 nurses coming in and doing all they could do .....giving me the medication they could but I am telling you ...I was begging for pain meds....I asked them to knock me out....I cried ....wellll all this time...my cell phone was on and Jr was connected to it....he could not hang up and here I am begging for something for pain and crying my heart out....two of my Bible study friends were here and they hear it tooo....they said it was awful and Jr was beside himself....they said he cried his heart out....well truth is I barely remember it...now....I remember one of the nurses named Abby...she was sooooo sweet and was doing what she could....she touched my leg and I grabbed her hand and threw it off of me...and told her not so nicely to get her hands off of me...I will never forget the look in her face....I will never forget the pain...If you have CES you know th kind of pain I am talking about....the skin pain....you can't even stand to have your skin touched....that is the kind of pain....then throw in spasms...and cramps and back and groin pain....I have never had pain so bad....

The doctors came in and explained they were worried about the spider butt stuff...but they were not sure I had that...I think that is what he said...I am asking him when I go back on June 1st....I know my CES is still very much present....my left leg is really throwing a fit....I fell about a week to 10 days ago and hurt my knee....I fell in my bathroom and hurt my knee and my ankle...I was more worried about my ankle cause I fell down at moms and hurt it... I landed on a metal strip going out of moms house...the metal strip went right across my screws in my ankle and omg did it swell up....so anyway...it had a small bruise...and I did not think anything of it....crap I bruise all the time....I worry about hurting my back....not bruises....well it started to turn that ugly brown and yellow and seemed to get bigger...well now it is numb and tingly....so I go tomorrow to get my ankle xrayed and I am thinking I need my knee xrayed also....think I am going to request a xray of my knee also....it was so painful night before last ....you would not believe it...I could not touch it and the pills did not touch the pain....it was a horrible night....that was two nights ago. Now my left leg just feels numb and my ankle feels like it has rubber bands around it....and it feels like it swells sometimes ....it just feels like it did with my regular CES....funny when you get used to the symptoms and can put them where they need to go....I think that is recognizing your body.....knowing what is going on in  you body is a must with CES and Arachanoiditis...patient education and taking charge and making your doctor understand....thank goodness I have understanding Doctors....he messes with my pain medication.  He is or the pharmacy is they send me something different every time...last time I had percocet...this time I got oxycodone...it is crazy...

So....a couple of days after I got home I went to my General Practioner just to check in with him and tell him what they did and let him check out my incision...we discussed several things....pain management clinic...the surgery ....and they suggested that I sign up for disability...it was like a kick in the gut to me.....makes me feel like I am giving up.....they assured me it was not that at all and that they would do everything they could to help me...he said I had to face the fact that I would never work again...it is like he said ...I never know what my day will be right ....I am never really sure I can get out of bed....thank you CES....this syndome robs you of your life.....so anyway that was my doctors appointment....well that was on Friday...the boys came over and I literally spent the weekend in bed...I was sick....kind of like dope sick....but I wasn't...I had been taking my meds....well Monday morning I was sick...had diarreah and was trying to vomit at the smell of anything...did a couple of times .....well I ended up in the emergency room...I was have sweats...I mean soaking the sheets and me being soaking wet...it was horrible...well I was dehydrated and ended up being admitted and was in the hospital for 2 days...so that was my third time in the hospital...I am tired of being in the hospital....

Well like I said I am tired of being sick...I am tired of hurting....and I am just tired of watching my life pass me up....That is really how I feel I am tired of sitting here and watching.....I want to do so much...I want to be a housewife and clean my house...I want to beable to bend over and pick something up or put someing in the oven or dishwasher....funny the things that you miss ....stuff that is unreal become so important....emptying the trash...flushing the commode...(men!!!! grrrrrr).....laundry....just being able to load the dryer....but no bending...and if I do bend omg the crunch....I can hear it and feel it sometimes....it is CES I guess...

I can deal with this I suppose....I think I need to get myself together and I need to read and educate myself on the spider butt syndrome...and the CES....see what kind of progress our education is  making.....so far from what I have read not much more info than there was 2 years ago ....I am looking education and knowledge....I wrote DR. OZ and so far I have not been answered...he probably does not know what CES or Arachnoiditis is....why should he...it is rare....I wonder just how rare it is....I think I will as them in the support group....

My support group really has helped me...just knowing there are others like me and others that really understand me and what is going on with my body....they answer the questions too....

Ok I have to run it is almost 4 am my time and I am tired...have to get up in a few hours....need to lay down....

Thank you for being interested in my blog.....peace and pain free days and nights  be with you.....

take care.....Lynn  xoxo

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