August....what a month!

I thought when I started this blog that I would be on here every day...well it does not work like that.....I don't want to keep dwelling on what is going on with my body...but my body does not feel any different really. If your are reading this blog you probably know someone that has CES or you have read about it now...I can check in here every day and tell you that my feet are numb, my legs hurt me, I can't stand much over 20 mins, yada yada yada.....I wish it was over.

At present time my left leg is giving me some trouble....I am not sure if it is nerves hearling or more of the "slight herniation" that was seen in the second MRI....might be time for another MRI.....who knows? I just know I am very tired of the pain ....it never goes away...it gets easier...but never goes away.

I am also fighting with depression. I honestly want to just hide and not have to deal with anyone. It is depressing to sit in this house 24/7....and hard to do anything when you can't stand for very long or walk for very far.....I am so very tired of this. The Dr did change my medication but I am not sure it helps. It seems like all I do is yell or cry...but then a newly divorced son, 2 grandsons that are bouncing off the walls with hormones and parents that are putting them in the middle of shit....and then Jr.......such a good man......he probably deserves better than this....I think when it came to women he got a lemon....worse is at this point I am not really sure I care....I am to tired to worry about what everyone else thinks.......I need to get away from this.....I do not feel like myself...I feel like I am lost and trapped.....I just really do not want to do this anymore.

I cannot imagine living the rest of my life like this....I just can't. I know I can look around and find people in worse shape than me but I don't care tonight. I am the one that can't go grocery shopping by herself anymore...I am the one that cannot walk her dogs....I am the one that cannot carry a load of laundry without hurting....I am over it. I want it to be done. I am tired of crying and hurting. It does't feel very fair to me.
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Sorry to be such a downer tonight....such is a day in Cauda Equinaville!